timothy leary's dead

no na-na nooooo
he's ouuuutside looking in

red dog ridding in the back of a pickup truck
free on the freeway

my former acting teacher/mentor
is alive and well with her husband in san diego
how joyfull to find that out today with the
aid of another incredible woman/mentor
whom i'm gratful to be acquainted

fred . . . if you have anything to do with this
and you probably do
i much appreciate the assistance
keep that call on hold a little while longer
i think i may have actually addressed the caller
and asked that they be patient while i get myself
together on this end

funny little fog i've put myself in
so comfortable not seeing the distance sometimes
and i've been pushing the fog a little further out
simulating progression
without releasing the fog instead.
room full of mirrors? smashed the mirrors
and replaced it with fog . . . or is it smoke?
down to just smoke without the mirrors
i guess

i think you might just

what was i smoking?

oh yeah. pot. update. has been over 10 years since.

discussed ol' trippy stories last week and was shocked by the reactions
had a show on saturday, submitting to the toronto fest, became a godfather sunday,
did not have mow green wacked. did reject satan and all his empty promises. didn't win that juicy 248? million. it's now at 18? don't bother me with that kind of chump change . . . i'd be happy with 18 thousand. ok 18% of 18 thousand. i've got a nice sized 18 pound depression elephant sitting on my chest the past few days. to the effect of watching the oscars . . . i haven't watched the oscars since i lived with my parents and didn't want to study on sunday nights. then getting the kreepers right after because of the health project due the next day. sometimes sitting in it is better than digging deeper or crawling out. 1 1/2 hours here before i make the switch. which direction this time? hmmm

fire out the back of the eyelids

skating down the black glass mountains

silly spotted zebra slippers
caffeine brain

i woke to the report that cheney was in the hospital again. my reaction surprised me and after further new york exploration and contemplation, this is all i've got.

( i believe fred would approve)

my initial reaction wasn't "alright, divine intervention at last"
i was sad and felt a sense of loss. the sense of loss was not for cheney, but for cheney not having restored himself to humanity before passing. what purpose will it serve for someone who is clearly an ass to perish? the true divine intervention would be for cheney to have a moment of clarity and hold himself up to his highest light; hold himself accountable to humanity. now he wouldn't have to open the flood gates, just decide to do what is right with the remainder of his time and influence. i'd rather meet cheney in the waiting room after that, than before. so my hope is that with this recent reality check, dick cheney will have a little grace and decide to do what is in the best interest of all life everywhere as opposed to whatever the hell he believes in.

and it appears big brother is going in both directions lately
the Big Brother is being watched by little brother

the door swings both ways ray

let them wait

fred-
feeling a little stagnant are we?
maybe it's time to re pot yourself.
trim back some excess
maybe even trim some of the dead roots

sounding good fred. simplify, slow down, and dare i say, get more natural light? i'm going to avoid "the list" as i planned for today. i'm thinking it's an unnecessary added step before actual action.

Q the deer

i've noticed there hasn't been a resurgence of chevy's career
(that's right, i'm off the political rant and onto the hollywood ether brain)
it's the holidays . . . should i take that? no i'll pass . . . ah hell
seasons greetings
happy new year
merry christmas
happy holy day
and how about a big slap in the face to any religious figure spouting forgiveness and love while simultaneously alienating and judging others.
a big Fuck You to you too.
whose message are they really preaching
Jesus? or Hitler?
the waiting room of heaven has to be a mess
muslims, christians, hindus, pagans, etc all looking at their feet
very uncomfortable . . .
stay warm and toasty with friends and family
minus that?
choose your own adventure

is it the former first lady or senator clinton?

well her web page has her listed as senator clinton
but my dream reality had some additional social particulars involved
i was pitching a program idea to her while between session
she was chatting with some regulars (one sort of suck up)
anyhoo, before i just launch into my convo
i get struck with how do i address her . . . senator clinton
former first lady
which is more formal, which has more prestige, how do the insiders address her?
even though first lady has the potential for a submissive role
i feel in the moment that it still holds higher office than a senator
just as i'm about to proceed
the suck up leans in and says "she prefers former first lady when being addressed"
(thanks, dick) didn't need the assist
well anyhoo. even with the assist snafu
we get down to brass tax
and she okays the pitch and i get rolling
i decide upon a little at risk youth alcohol and drug program
just a foot in the door, as you will into new york politics
hitting the chamber floor bs'ing and getting sign ons
i was able to make a lot of ground on a fairly benign policy
with some semi-substantial weight
all without being deceitful and proving to the ups
that i could be trusted and could be convincing, building upon the relationships established with the initiative
. . . uh . . . then i woke up

tied up with silly string

maybe it's self inflicted?

trialateral commission

world economic forum 2005

are you an alcoholic?

maybe it's just abuse

sun tzu art of war would seem we're heading for a dissmantle
10 companies controling 80% of global wealth. i'm pretty sure i don't vote for the head of the world bank or bp. bush is such a sap to the powers that be. he'll be thrown a bone like his dad upon retiring, with full access to cia daily documents and secret service protection for the rest of his life. for a book that bush has claimed to be his favorite, i wonder if he can read. he's fucked all the basic principles. and with our economic policy base coming from adam smith, he'd be at the stern watching the ship go down (all his warnings are being implemented and protected by current policy). catholic corporation switched to a money maker in the 14oos. so what's an average weirdo supposed to do?

all quiet on the midwestern blog front

yeesh
looks like everyone's getting a little burned out
on this blog commitment thing.

3 dream highlights

1. flying dream highlight. reintegrating mind flight.
instead of floating or leisurely making it to your destination
focusing on the point and accelerating yourself to it. kind of distorts perception
and you end up moving so fast that it's hard to stop. (you also loose a large sense of physical form and are striped down to a more will/awareness form)

2. well if i can concentrate on a point, accelerate and loose form; why not teleport?
this was a little more disorienting. in mid flight, concentrating on my visual destination, then figuring i'd move the dream sequence along a bit by making it to my destination (some gathering/party or something). accelerated to the point, everything goes blurry and comes apart. kind of like looking into the magic eye art, everything goes blurry before it settles into an image. well i made it half way to my destination and appeared on the stairs of some tracks. while trying to reorient myself and contemplate my place in the universe, i stood on my head and watched my feet and legs disappear and reappear in the night sky.

3. psychic energy battle with a witch. (not the good kind)
oh wait. i also remember seeing a flyer for Wicked on the ground last night, and dreamed about the wicked witch (before she was wicked) dating. fun stuff.

madison is a great city. had a great time at the wedding. hope all are well and good.
i didn't win the lottery again, so friends will have to wait a little longer for their student loans to be paid off and artistic enterprises fully produced.

BURNING MY EYES

this sun has been hurting my eyes this summer
maybe i've become accustomed to uv protection
but everything appears washed out and too bright

i also noticed that after having left a parking sticker
in my car for two days
it was noticeably lighter
after a week
it went from green to almost a yellow/white

are We being washed away?
wiped clean by the sun?
currently we have record of five polar shifts
evidenced by the magnetic line up of rocks
apparently during the switch the power of the poles
reduces which also reduces the effectiveness of
our magnetic shield for little mrs. planet earth.
without the magnetic field for protection
the solar winds are too strong
and greatly impact our little planet
ice ages and the like
a kind of spring cleaning i'm thinking
the ultimate steam cleaner
pull back the magnetic field (and why not also pull back our ozone) so the sun can really get into every nook and cranny
(try and keep up with this tangent)
i love kids
and try to have hope and faith
but if i truly love my kids
will i choose to bring them here?

content on other blogs

have really been enjoying
commenting instead of posting
it's helped having limited access
too much running through the hamster wheel
and fear of emotionally/mentally/spiritually vomiting
if i get started
i've turned 30 and without going into great detail
finding the balance between personal and professional development
while working towards superimposing ideals with realities and working towards change
recognizing that life is passing me by rather quickly
and i haven't allotted enough time for personal and social
missing those that read this from time to time
and am taking full responsibility
also feeling that i'm taking strides in the right direction
for the projected future
quit smoking 22 days before i turned 30
brilliantly happy with steph
clinical development is kicking my ass while totally encompassing and fulfilling
working on system and social change
realistically looking at implementing ideals
best wishes to all
and the greatest possible good for all life everywhere

adopt a show program

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4565605.stm

if this has the impact they are projecting
a us network won't be far behind
and what an excellent medium to process
frustration with bush and our government
how about tackling the evangelical agenda
in the political arena?

bush on display and the real estate deals you get when the water levels rise

forgot about these two doosies from two weeks ago
yes, another bush dream
a actually said to him, "can we just get the me kicking your ass over with? i'd rather dream about something else"
i'll explain in detail when i get a chance

Bed time saga?

three separate dreams
sequentially throughout the night

ever see the cable show with the old nun?
i'm watching the tv program from inside the studio at the set. they are interviewing up and coming students studying to be priests and nuns. there's this really dynamic/intelligent/charismatic guy speaking with the other candidate and the nun is off camera with her head down and quite sad (this is an unofficial try-out for a new host, possibly beginning in a year or so) something a little off though, the guy seems to be hitting on the other girl . . .
end first dream

second dream
the up and comer is attending depaul and is highly regarded by staff and the church. his iq is very intimidating and he is very self-confident and has some radical ideas. in-fact, he believes
in revelations (something not very big in the catholic church) and so decides to not become a priest due to his radical beliefs (mainly that the catholic church is ignoring the truth). he also combines the teachings of nastradamus to the bible and believes that he has developed a new code that can crack the events and narrow down an ending time. he is being discussed and watched by world media because he was giving a real boost and hope to the faith after
all the recent . . . yuck. so there are interviews with former teachers, theologians, and scholars
in one of the final interviews, a theologian and very well respected scholar states that this guy lacks humility and is pushing forward with these new claims without referencing the known data and he felt that he would cause some premature concern and worry.
(within the same dream)
time pases forward a few weeks and the water levels are rapidly rising. unaware if this is in line with doomsday boy or global warming there are cruise ships that quickly fill and dock off the shores of various continents to wait and see what will happen. steph and i decide to head to france. if you're going to sit on a cruise ship, why not france? (i also think there was some concern that if the us gasoline use and lack of concern for the environment was determined to be the cause of much of the problems? rather be in france) so we decide to sit on top of the deck
which has been modified with thousands of seats on the surface to accommodate more. also, the guys timeline is rapidly approaching.
so we buckle in, look at each other and then we're feeling a lot like the ride powerdive as we see the sky as the ship points straight into the sky and then back down towards the water. i look to steph and say "where do we meet if we get split up?". "meet me at the market in barcelona across the square". with that we're in the water. the rivers are flooded over and those that were on land are not in a good place. those that have survived the wreck were on deck as it sank. i find a way across the river (i'm walking across the side of the ship which is now almost completely covered in mud). i see steph on the shore and we agree that if the world is really ending, we might as well go see the sites of europe before all is lost forever.
end second dream

third dream
i become aware with a bad feeling. as i regain consciousness, i notice that i'm wandering through an overcrowded hospital. open room with tons of beds and patients. however, not many people are aware of my presence and the guy that is aware is looking at me real funny. "what's going on? where are we?" We are in a hospital, but you aren't really here. "excuse me?" you didn't make it. and now your stuck in-between because you wouldn't cross over. "but you can see me." barely. everything got fucked up when the world kind of ended. not even sure what we're doing here. "i have to find steph" she's waiting for you.
i'm having a hard time walking; or actually, a hard time maintaining my form while i'm walking. i have to concentrate in order to stay in focus. i make my way to the hallway and steph is standing there with a clip board. "i've been assigned to you brian. the director thinks i'm the ideal candidate since you're mainly here due to our connection. it's also easier for you to maintain focus with me . . . "
what's happening? "you weren't willing to go to the other side . . . i'm not even sure what that is."
is that my treatment plan? (she's holding a clip board with my treatment goals typed out, but they are also written on her shirt for me to read while i'm speaking with her.
one of them was "reconnect with god"
as i'm looking at her, i realize that she is to be my therapist through the process and my partner no longer. i look to her and say "we should probably set up our scheduled time . . . is an hour too much- this is hard for you, right." this is not going to be easy and- "we'll probably need to process our loss together." she cries as she walks away, as do i
i go to the field which is somehow superimposed on the hospital reality. as i phase out of the hospital i phase into the field where i proceed to lay down and reconnect with god
the end

king of the mountain . . .

i just spoke with her last week . . .
she was going to make a pot for me . . .
-- i just don't think i should be alone tonight
i'll get my coat
-- and could you, could you get three dates for my friends?

i have notes . . .

thanks to all that have headed to the show
still feeling we're in the early stages

so why aren't you doing scripted scenes?
how about having more suggestions instead of one theme?
is there a pecking order? you weren't out there enough . . .
and so on

gotta love al

there was a split second this morning when i
saw the report that the winning lottery ticket had not been claimed
(mine happened to be in my desk at ht)
the winning ticket was bought in michigan . . . que?
maybe i missed something in the report
but i was sure they didn't say the bp in ht

truly enjoyed the part-five, formerly known as sparrow, show yesterday
and then pulled the ol' "ether fask"

not feeling as debbie downed as the last blog
i was mentally working out how i'd
portray the fight scene between rickter and quade
it would be a blast
fatal flaw of the fight was when rickter
trys to choke/break quade's neck . . . what?
"See you at the party Rickster"

i still hallucinate on a regular basis

and this is better than a movie, why?

for the sake of argument
let's make some assumptions

unsupervised time is bad for children and adolescents.
more prone to getting into trouble
or how about simply not getting the attention they
need from parents

the majority of fulltime work is 9-5
with commute time adding a potential hour or more

most schools gets out between 2:30 and 3:30

we're led to believe that it is the parents fault
for not supervising their children and allowing them to get into trouble
it is a failing of the family

the government will not subsidize childcare
most families are forced to have both parents work in order to stay
afloat in todays economy

. . . um . . . is it the family or parents' fault?
what about single moms; who account for the second largest
family system? blame the victims?
can we just start school an hour later and have them get out at 4:30?
or do you think we can discuss this with legislators (who have children of their own)
that maybe we can streamline our schedules a bit? instead of blamming everyone for not being able to be in two places at once?

it's so so

it's not good . . . it's not bad
it's so so
yeah, more or less

BAM!!! RIGHT INTO THE TURN BUCKLE

FAMILY GUY

could it Be, any more, Orange?

finally had that cathartic blast through the dream ceiling
and ended up in purgatory
guess i'm not as far along spiritually as i'd hoped
it looks a lot like corporate america
but the cleaning lady hasn't been by in a while
quick heads up
if your speaking with your "guide"
in a high rise office
nice furniture, nice space, but there's noticeable dust in the corners?
you probably haven't made it all the way
excellent dream in its own right
had all the classic elements

when trying to sound like you know who is playing who
don't base it on the court's logo
i was wayyy off

show this friday
and if enough vote for our team
we'll be there next friday

pedal steel is also gigging that night
so no worries
we've got a show locked at the end of april as well

the time has come
to speak of other things
of cabbages and kings

i'm happy and so therefore guilty

i'm living in bubble reality
i dip out as much as i can
but the result is the same
i'm not in any immediate danger
the bombs aren't dropping
and my house isn't on fire

i'm certified stupid over steph
the new job (while freaking me out)
is more than i hoped for at this time
while looking into my finance box
"just to check my status"
isn't tickling my belly button
i'm pulling out of the nose dive
i'm working with like minded advocates
and burners from the sixties
and other represented decades

and with the world being in the state
it is in ?
i therefore feel guilty
that's a bit of the "life is suffering"
from the last blog
still managing the balance of allowing self
to enjoy life, amidst the
grim meat hook realities

in the meantime
my dream world has been overworked
underappreciated
and so saturated with imagery and
meaning
i can only assume a cathartic
inner soul rebellion/evolution

yummy

that's baby making music there

almost out from under the rock
. . . yes . . . no? . . . errrrghtthaAHHHH!

crack the back
double click those shoulder blades

snap my eyes and mind into forward and upright positions
i have yet to catch up with all blogs for the past two weeks
as well as news and the like
except for the economist and some relevant bbc stuff regarding
our current debt and japan's purchase of our debt
not to mention bush's economic policy team comprised of good ol' boys
and self made business owners . . . not a looker among them
anyhoo
if japan pulled out and stopped holding up the dollar
we'd tank apparently
but that would bring down too many other economies
yummy

feudal system?

i'm starting to better understand the whole
"life is difficult, rub" and that it's sort of the point

great to see bloggers face to face
hope to add to this before i'm out

never tell them what inspires you

i'm almost caught up reading everyone's blog
for the past month

left job
boarded in colorado
started new job
saw sparrow and singleman
last rehearsal before show next week
started new io class
at old job today to start pt on mondays

how long will i last at this place?
dmy . . . yard
i've been trying to ease "yard" into casual conversation
and random emails . . . anyone remember that one?
dingo junction?

blog blank?
overwhelmed
lots of info that might just be lost in the wake
i'm currently down to monday access
-still haven't updated my virus stuff
-and so home access is a internet click away from a complete wipe again

you keep this up
and i'll be watchin

i miss 1554 and fat tire
the mountains/sunshine/boarding/lifestyle
are nice too

the twin son (non internal) of my solar system
is headed to pace (ny) for her final placement next year
. . . no reservations at all
excuses didn't even manifest

to keep in line with the honey side
the recent dylan interview
-don't tell others your secret dreams
before they happen for fear they'll be taken away-
bob?

got a tap on the shoulder in colorado
i'm fairly certain i'm superfantastic about being alive
it's all i've got and i'm holdin on

haven't caught up on world news in the past few weeks
. . . do i want to?

# 1 way to reduce stress?
stop watching the news and reading the paper
(while i don't officially recommend this
times away are very refreshing)

EYES DOTTED AND TEAS CROSSED

PUTTING ON THE FOIL

just got the official call
he's in
starts the 8th . . . sweet ass sweet
diabetic

Looks like i won't have to give the speech
i prepared for the media
after finding out i had won the lottery

uh . . . not one number . . . hmm
oh wait! it rolled over
it must mean that 86 mil wasn't the right time
i'll have to ride this train until i hit the big one
up to 96

i'd like to take the time to describe
a bizarre dream i had the other night
but i'm not sure i'm mentally ready
to dissect wtf was going on in my head

piss on old time hockey

UPDATE PLEASE

i suggested that . . . he yelled at me
he yelled at you?
yeah. he said people need to have standards

condensed castanada
mahamudra

"hithhikers and bikers
honking the horn
harassing the cattle"

there's some room left at the inn

i missed the memo hunter s.
didn't you notice that the light had changed?

when writing a paper
on choice and free will
the question posed was
something along the lines of
"do we have free will
or are we acting upon genetics/environment/unconscious etc
in life, how much choice do we have
and how much is dictated
my response was very short
ultimately we have the choice to end
our life at any given time
so i take it if we choose to live
it is our choice and we have free will

no influence over us if we choose not to play
i've been doing my best lately to resolve
the issue of my impending "end"
i go through seasons with this
in hopes that i'll be more "adjusted"
personally . . . i'd rather not

i like the story of this guru
hanging under a tree meditating for 20 yrs
when a buddha appears from the otherside
and has a little chat with the meditatious
guy in his 70s
he asks the buddha (or something of the sort)
"when will i be ready to walk into heaven?"
the buddha answers-
"do you see the number of leaves on this tree?"
--he's chillin under some huge oak with tons of leaves--
"yes"
"it will take that many lifetimes."
well he jumps up out of his meditative state
and starts dancing a jig. kickin up dust
bouncing with joy and beaming his light.
the buddha looks at him and says,
"why are you so happy?"
"SUCH A SHORT TIME!!!"

the idea of thousands of lives
to get it right here
along with everyone else is very
comforting to me
the idea of the planet going bankrupt
and us all arriving in the ether together
seems like a cop-out

i was in my last level II class
at improv olympic
and we took turns telling the group
something we love about life
i reflected on those moments
between people
when everything seems to open up
we share a content in the moment
feeling the brilliance of the eternal
and the knowing that everything is going to be alright
we sit comfortably exposed and unprotected
knowing we don't need to be
joyful and sad having experienced these
times for blips compared with the length of my time here
i think it'd be nice,
a few thousand lives down the line
when we experience that for our length of time
with interludes of fear and doubt

btw
i had a dream yesterday where i was
crashing through hell
and the nightmares of my mind
put the soul in cruise control
and just kept movin' through
woke up in a great mood

really wish i could spend more
time with everyone i care about
and experience more of the choice moments

hope all are well
and hope we can play on the planet
together til the sun goes out

until it goes . . . click

ok. kind of minus the links lately
loving the daily blog roaming
of friends and friends of friends
who i'm learning more and more about

bob had bitch tits

i don't have a girlfriend
i just know a girl who would be really
pissed if she heard me say that

beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame

when i turned fifteen i began
ritualistically shaving my scrotum
there's nothing more breathtaking
than a shorn scrotum
i recommend you try it

future cop got rear-ended
what an idiot

i'm thinking of pissing on my hands
to harden callouses
and become a more hard core
blogger

i admit
there are times i enjoy the
finishing touches with a baby wipe

what was the point of shrinky-dinks again?
here. color this
you can actually see what it is
now lets cook it in the oven
so that you can have a party in the micro verse

stay with me big cat
sooo cold. i think i see blue.
he's glorious

tangerine tangerine . . .
maybe

LETS MAKE IT OFFICIAL THEN JACKASS

tell that ref i think he's a real prick
YEAH, YOU HEARD ME MY-MAN
NUMBER FOUR HAS BEEN THROWING ELBOWS ALL DAY
AND YOU WON'T BE HAPPY UNTIL SOME KID GETS HURT
. . . OH, A YELLOW CARD? . . .

i could probably sell you, but . . . i can't
ya know, we're human beings.
i must admit i've never allowed the children to watch hockey
you see, i believe children imitate what they see on television.
if they witness violence, they'll become violent. heorin? anything.
you are totally fucked.
i beg your pardon.
you're garbage for letting us go down the drain.
we're hot, people go nuts for us, you could find a buyer!
i don't think you understand finance
. . . ya know your son looks like a fag to me
you better get married quick
or he's gonna have someone's cock in his mouth
before you can say jack robinson . . .

i'm starting to see helicopters behind my eyelids
what a trainwreck night of sleep
i thought i had enough on my mind before i nodded off
for those that use an electric blanket? garbage
we both wake up at four
i'm huddled up against the bare wall/ window
that often has frost+ S has her pjs hiked well above her knees

helicopter- new job transition: sticking out current job
getting mentally ready
reading, studying
warped schedule and a helluvah commute
helicopter- improv: started training with new group.
show in march.
starting a new class.
sundays? gone.
helicopter- kung-fu: no way i can continue on wed
when work begins no more wed
and it is way too cool
helicopter- quit smoking . . . fuck you martha
helicopter- colorado trip . . .
get back in the fucking hangar
helicopter- S- trumps all other helicopters

dream helicopters you say?
E dream with me encouraging her to train for a marathon?
dream to return to thresholds because i should check in with them?
spiritual study dreams?
THE ELECTRIC BLANKET?
must have short circuited into my brain
just plug it into my brain stem
power of flight
magic carpet night

betty, judy, josie and those hot pussycats

stumbled upon this today

i have to laugh . hee, hee
because my enemy is an animal
and in order to conquer him
i have to think like an animal
and whenever possible . . .
to look like one

i gotta get into this dudes pelt
and crawl around for a few days

--don't mind this. just doctors orders and so forth

born under a blog sign
terribly mysterious
don't mind me, i'll just be dry humping your wife
-sigh- i hate you kenny

forever and ever and ever
and never
absolutely not
get the fuck away from me
you sicken me
i'm disgusted by you
i want to remove my gentiles
for ever having slept with you
don't ever, ever, EVER
TELL ANYONE I EVER KNEW YOU
eraser button please
the promises of destroyed brain cells
from alcohol has not lived up to its end of the bargain
come on mad dog 20/20
you made me promises
vomit, vomit, vomit
dry heave vomit for 4 hours
to all of those memories
happy valentines day
vomit
gurgle
alcohol
spit
gravy diapers
flush it all down the toilet
set it on fire and bury the remains
leave me alone
bankrupt
run over
drawn and quartered
if i even catch a hint or whiff of a thought
of me from you . . .
bury me in chocolate diarrhea
hopefully the stench will prevent the memory
fuck you and etcetera
definitely not my favorite mistake
dig out my eyes and piss in my ocular cavities
happy fucking valentines day
now go get rectal warts
chocolate covered bell end
ya know shaving doesn't get rid of them for good
captain penicillin
shall receive a spike in abuse this week
i love you sherry bobbins

they say sexual attraction only lasts five years

how you gonna stay with someone you're not even attracted to?

i spent a few hours looking for a research article on the subject . . .
that's a pretty tall order there nordberg
you'll have to give me a couple days on that one

brown 1, brown 2, and now?
brown 3

fantastic dream with an old african woman yesterday
we discussing the various tribal tatoos
of the priests and ranking members
she told me that she was so pissed
about the young priests sporting the tattoos
especially the american born african priests
explaining that they don't even know the history
of the markings and that traditionally
only the head priest can rightly have the markings
"i spit in those priests cups" (chalices for ceremony)
so we were going over the "garb"
primarily a black covering
same for men and women
with various patches and symbols sewn in
the patches and symbols were somewhat irrelevant
the big deal was whether there were any holes in the dress
socioeconomic status wasn't important
and neither was the importance of what symbols
and rights you had earned
if there was an identifiable hole in even the most
highly evolved garb
you were a fool
and no one would ever tell
you. it was understood by those that knew the old ways
the longer a person went without noticing their own holes
the further they sank in the minds not the actions of the others

gotta get out of the habit of saving instead of posting
this is from last week

charleeeee brownjhan

first off. i know i've been missing lately
you've got to keep your elbows down
down throw punches stiff armed
"splashing hands"
i think that may have been the difficulty
i was having with my flip-flops
i'm getting brown 1 now
i'm moving from stance to stance much more fluidly
little helicopters being propelled by circular thoughts
three little helicopters flying at once
object relations theory
too outside in, don't you think?
buried in my little brain
avoiding the elephant sitting on my chest
digging his tusks in my nose
lopping my forehead with his trunk
and beaming into my brain with his ancient eyes
burst little boy
burst open wide
wait a sec
i thought that was the plan all along?
it's been snowy outside in my mind
are we supposed to be learning kung-fu lying down?
i miss jon
i'm catholic and went to ccd
biggest bonus of being a catholic?
you get to choose your own confirmation name!!!!!
of course my best bud from the womb to 8th grade
jonathan and i decided to use each others' names
as our confo name
when asked in ccd class
who i'm to be
jonathan says me
"which saint is that? john the baptist?"
yeah, whatever
i'm jonathan after my boy
too bad there wasn't a saint named bri
jon's no longer with us
i've been thinking of him as of late
dreamt again
he had a hidden childhood i didn't know about
he's an amazing spirit
and we lost touch before he left the planet in
a physical form
he is remembered and he is missed

GUIDES/KARMA/UNIVERSE/HIGHER POWER/MENTAL DISTRESS

for those that interact with guides
this will make a bit more sense
for those that don't . . .
i've taken the mmpi, Rorschach, Myers, intelligence, memory battery and ?
the boy ain't crazy

i've been having difficulty with the ol surrender/patience game
very difficult time in fact
and i've been tying it into my spiritual development
running past the same sign posts
and this is one i'd like addressed in a big way
before venturing into major life paths

had a great flow going last week
universe/karma/higher power/guides
all seemed to be working with me and each other
great buzz
saw light in everything
felt very light, empowered, energized and at peace
well, wanting to make sure i had truly learned
patience and surrender
a little curve ball (whether i or they threw it, not sure)

derailed the whole train
FIRST: perhaps i'll explain my version of patience and surrender
i tend to manifest things
ball up my energy, counsel with guides/universe/higher
and negotiate a path
however,
when i get what i asked for i'm left with
huh . . . this doesn't seem right . . .
i forgot about x,y,z
this has taken place with career, school, and relationships
so this time i figured
hold back desire to manifest
and wait
honor where i'm at, ask to be guided
surrender
i'll finish this a little later

back in the saddle
quickest way i found in the past
to determine where i was at was a good place based in love?
throw some fear and reservation into the mix
if you get booted or aren't accepted
it wasn't unconditional
or maybe you have to try wiping those shoes off again

well i was pumped in the head tail end of last week
how quickly all unravels
well here we are rising up the other
side of the bank this week
really hoping this is the springboard
that i've been committing myself to

the lesson may have been
that i have to let go of some
of my gut wrenching fears based
in my . . . past

i may have to discontinue my hinting around
and possibly open another blog
to process that superimposed reality
often held at bay
but finds the door slightly ajar
when focused and contemplating/evoking
energy/universe/karma/higher power interaction

no link to that one i'm afraid

and i knew that you'd know that i'd know that you knew

it's come to my attention
not everyone is into the change of color
for change of thought . . .

get your story straight
howser turned against you
heh, that's what we wanted you to think

incubator audition . . .
made the chem imbalanced
not looking good for our hero for incubator

well. with upcoming job change
kung-fu
chem imbalanced
IO classes
and certain happy smiles . . .
ok, so i'm a little disappointed about incubator
i admit it

there's some ugly shit out there
talking about pressures put on voters in iraq
threatening to withhold food rations; military
running out of steam to connect with the links

skip to the punch as far as i'm concerned
i'd rather just read the hate mail being sent to him
at this point

the where are they now files . . .
don't get to see S enough
our schedules are pretty packed
i met her brother and one of her best friends now living in peoria
resurfacing is taking a bit longer than anticipated
hope to see all sooner than later
possibly a par-tay on friday?

$35,000 . . . FOR THE INITIAL PLANS

inauguration cost

how can anyone still even fantasize about him being a decent human being?
and when will we be invaded for being complete assholes?

inauguration drinking game
and for those that want to meet up at established groups
you can also punch in your local zip if you're looking for alternate groups

wow . . . the us economy is tanking
but the bush family is doing surprisingly well . . . hmm

i swear to christ
what the fuck?
i know i'm not supposed to use
meditation and energy for bad things
but . . . divine intervention please?

for those that made it through the last blog . . .
bravo

. . . since i've started kung-fu i've only had one bruise
since i started improv
i've fucked up all sorts of shit
both elbows and my knees are still pretty cashed
from an entrance from last week . . .
decided to take a diving leap across the stage
landed on knee/elbow/shoulder
and proceeded to slide up against the other side
. . . fun, fun, fun
love that stuff

i'm having a hard time starting an insanity troupe
. . . shit . . . let's just steal some nuclear weapons
and hold the world hostage like we usually do. good?
not a lot of responses for an improv group
based on the subconscious, energy, and old acid trips
. . . and really . . . it . would . be . aaaawesome

almost forgot
PERICLES
for some reason the guides were adamant about me
finding out information about pericles last night
only thing i can think of is
be mindful of propaganda
and be mindful of your own agenda